Listen to Me

Friday, September 29, 2006

Things that happened today.

My cat spooky killed a snake! This time inside the house; the other times it was in the garage. she had killed all kinds of baby snakes which makes me sad, because I like baby snakes. She's killed baby rattle; baby coral, and baby ground snakes. I really wish she would stop doing this and be like the other cats that kill those damn roaches and crickets that's of more use.

I've been watching animal web-cams on the Internet and the thought came to me that I could do a web-cam. I mean, I was thinking that I could set up a camera in my living-room and people could watch me knitting and watching TV and all my pets running around and the birds in their cages it would be entertaining, and people have been telling me a lot of people make money doing that. Not naked cam just life cam, but because I live with two crotchety old people they were like, "noway!" before I could even look into how to do it! I mean come on that's material right there! If they don't watch it and they aren't nice to me I'm going to hide a camera in their bathroom and charge a $1 a minute for old people ass!

Kate out

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

How my week has been going so far

My dog Horatio is running around with a cone on his head and no balls; he looks really funny

More dating crap I got a mediocre one from Texas on the line first thing he asked was if I had yahoo messager. I said no, I want to communicate through e-mail. I got one reply and I replied back. Then got "I want to give you my private e-mail address so we can talk more personally." I don't like this it makes me feel uncomfortable. I mean it's a free dating site where you can e-mail and respond why does he need my other mail! Is this something I just don't get?

Then I got another ass! He sent me one of those virtual winks, so I winked back. Then he sent me this message, "hi nice smile; great tits maybe we can get together and play". What the fuck is that? Am I supposed to swoon and say "take me oh baby I'm yours!" And this fucked up bastard is one of those who has written in his marital status "no answer" That really pissed me off even though I do have great tits, but please after awhile you tell people that, not right off the bat!

So the only good part of the day was this adult swim has almost the complete series except the last episode of paranoia again. At first I thought this show was trippy because I was high but then I watched it again when I was sober, and it was still trippy. Another thing that cheered me up is the Georgia zoo baby panda web-cam that thing is so cute it makes me happy so matter how the dating crap goes; the baby makes me happy.
Sincerely,

Kate

Ode to a frog

I have a lot of pets. I have 6 parrots 4 cats 4 dogs and 2 puppies. And I have an African water frog, which i am now going to write about.

Froggit was born in a preschool in a package with other tadpoles. He was slow to develop when the other two tadpoles developed arms and legs he still just had a tail; he was so slow developing that my mother the preschool teacher was wondering how to explain to the children why he had only one arm and one leg, so froggit came home (I was still in high school at the time) he is now 12 yrs old, one year younger than my 13 yr old beagle. He did eventually develop both back legs and two front legs where he swims around happily in his tank. Froggit has done many amazing things over the years, one of which was when he finally learned to sing his foggy song which he did when i was 19 and watching the new years eve twilight zone marathon on the sci-fi channel. he was the centerpiece on our kitchen table back in Maryland. For 6 yrs where he learned to beg for food and to eat off my finger until the day Circe our black 6-toed cat showed up on our doorstep as a kitten and thought Froggit would look much better on the floor, but he survived at first we surrounded his little tank with bricks, oh but the kitten was strong and she learned to move the bricks to get to Froggit so we had to find a more secure place by the kitchen walls, and only one brick to be a barrier so he lived for years until we decided to move to Arizona. Now I gave away my goldfish but i couldn't part with Froggit he lives in a tank with no filters but we change it once a week. I know fresh filtered water at this point would kill him so unlike me my mom and the rest of my pets Froggit went on a road trip.

He was my dad's only living companion all the way across America for 5 days he even snuck into a motel so he wouldn't freeze and one of his first moves when he got to Arizona was to jump into the garbage disposal and my mother had to put her hand in and pull him out he is swimming around happily in his tank right now. He is an frican water frong so he lives in water all the time if you like this post and you want to see a picture of Froggit comment and i will send a picture up here.

Kate

Monday, September 25, 2006

Let's Visit Wallmart Again

I want to say the Barry White couvirier and condom are not actual items I bought at walmart and if the clerk actually said anything to me I would cuss her out. I don't know if the clerks are told to make contact with people or are just being rude, but I have noticed checkout clerks are getting lazier and lazier and want us to count the juice bottle I know it is minimum wage but why do I have to put up with comments, and if I comment back why are you wearing a superman shirt they shut up right away

Kate

Officially Frustrated With My Computer!

I'm officially frustrated with my computer! I've been trying to download flashy thingies from photobucket. My one friend from myspace gave me instructions on how to download flashy thingies. The instructions were good but I confuse easily. I googled photobuchket but I didn't know how to get my account going or look at stuff or whatever you are supposed to do, so my friend Shannon set up my account at photobucket. I went there this morning and found cool anime and johnny homicidal maniac! then I want to down load and put them on my space and whatever. The first one I messed up on I only did right clicked on the mouse. Then I remembered michelle said something about left click, so I put in the search engine anime and all these really good pictures and flashy things came up, and I really wanted to download them. I thought I figured it out, but then I had that thing pop up over the thing with the papers go in the file saying your URL not available and have to cancel or some shit like that, so I'm upset I really wanted the cool flashy thingies especially trigon with the worm underneath so I'm pouting.
Love,

Kate

Sunday, September 24, 2006

I have found out I have been edited.

A lot of times I get my mother to type theses because she types quicker and faster then I do. Because I type slow and I find it hard to keep all my thoughts in my head and she spells better than me I'm a very bad speller and sometimes even spellcheck doesn't help. But I found out I looked at one of my posts and where I said crap my mother put fad. I never use the word fad I think it is a dumb word and only stupid people follow them so I don't use it in my vocabulary much less in writing... oh shit I just used it! good thing I got her to type this out I'm going to wash my mouth out with soap.

Kate out

Saturday, September 23, 2006

More advice people have given me on dating

They ask what are you looking for in a guy? I say someone to watch anim`e and cuddle me. Their advice to me just go walking down the street meet someone and ask them this. I don't think this is smart asking if they want to cuddle. They also know that I also like to watch fire and like to break glass when I am angry nothing calms me down more than the sound of breaking glass. I also rip up phone books, so guess what the people tell me to do? they tell me to put in my personals I'm looking for somebody who likes to stare at fire, break glass, cuddle and watch anim`e. True I do all these things, but I have friends helping me so I don't look like a psycho, and as Mom and Dad always told me with friends like these who needs enemies.

Kate

More Snotty, Bitchy dating comments from Married people!

Now let me say that I like my knitting friends, but I don't need to hear "Put yourself out there more". 1, I think online dating is putting myself out there; 2 it's next to impossible to meet people at random in public, and I'm sick of it. They ether tell me to put myself out there more or you just have to stop looking and it will happen for you. And that bullshit just doesn't work. I'm just annoyed at married peoples comments. They have no idea what I'm going through. I think after awhile people forget how hard it is or what it is really like When you are looking for a long term partner, and not just a one night stand. At my age I want something real not just Wham Bam thank you ma'am. I'm sick of these married men hitting on me; looking for the one night stand and then being all offended when I say get the fuck away from me. They should listen to me and what I'm really saying; not just taking a look and hearing what they want to hear.

Kate

Friday, September 22, 2006

Here is some more personal stuff about me.

This started out as a record of my online dating but, now its turned into my personal journal because I really don't think anyone is reading this; if Michelle is hi! And the mayonnaise guy from blog explosion probably wont because it is going to get serious. I've had a rough week emotionally my illness has been acting up. I've had clinical depression since I was 6. I was even placed in a lock down unit in July. I hate Richard Simmons; I think he is the devil and, we were forced to workout to him in the lock down while the people behind the glass laughed at you! Also, going with out sleep for 5 days I decided to do I'm a little teapot for the audience of doctors and nurses behind the glass.

Anyhow on to what happened this week. I was up at my friend Erika's knit shop and they were talking about death and dying and how you need to give people permission to pass on, like in the hospital. But his question made me confused because my mom kind of gave me permission to kill myself; She said she would understand why I would do it. So I ask where does that put me? My friends, who love me told me not to do it and that I had worth in the world. My mistake was I tried to talk to my mom about it because my philosophy is kind of after doing 3-4 serious attempts and failing i wasn't supposed to go yet. My mom said that's bullshit just take a stronger bottle of alcohol and More pills. By the way it took two bottles of white and 20 ativan I thought that was good enough. I came home and I was very confused. I called my friend, she got pissed. She helped me post a version of this blog but, I thought my way would be better. Two days later when I was calm I'm kind of using this blog as a way to get things out.

Kate

Random stuff that Happens to Me.

I live in Arizona and my two retired parents live with me. Today I was taking a shower and my mom comes running into the bathroom and showed me a watering can with a big fat lizard in it. It was cute! So I'm glad she showed me.

More stuff about myspace. The more I learn about this site the weirder things get for me. I thought it would be a good place just to post my blog maybe get to meet a few people. I didn't know it was a place where you are supposed to collect friends just like some kind of junior high crap. I figure I'll keep this page but, I wasn't aware of all the teenage angst that goes with it. I'm not a teenager and I don't feel the need to be the most popular person. I think it makes it hard for people to create unrealistic goals that could lead to low self-esteem but, I'm a hypocrite because here I am. Any way oh the power of the popular.

Kate

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

More personal stuff about me.

Please don't judge me too harshly. From the age of 21 to 29 I was a recovering alcoholic. I was even sober seven years back in Maryland. But, when I came out to Arizona almost two years ago things went wrong. I stayed sober for about 6 weeks; I had a sponsor and I thought I had a friend in the program. Olga introduced me to her drug dealer to buy weed. I smoked a bowl with her and thought it was cool except I noticed she was freaking out about smoking all the time. For me its no big deal i just smoke when offered. I noticed how weird it was, so I told my sponsor; I thought it in confidence, and I thought she might have a problem and might go out drinking. Of course she yelled at me saying I should pick up a 24 hour chip! I said no fucking way my alcohol addiction was different from a puff on a joint when it was passed around.

Here's where things start to get a little more fucked up. My sponsor went to her sponsor and told her what I said this was in Nov. By Jan 1'st Olga still hadn't said anything to her sponsor so her sponsor approached her about it. Bitch said she was sorry, picked up a 24hr chip and came to my house the same day to smoke more weed! Somehow in all this I got turned into the bad guy. I'm pretty sure Olga talked about it in meetings and blamed the whole thing on me; and the people in AA got colder and meaner to me. And from Jan to March she was coming over to my house smoking my weed! Things got so bad in AA that I left. I figured why fuck with weed its illegal and alcohol is legal why risk getting into trouble. I also figured I could then go back to AA pick up a 24 hr chip because I did fuck up but the AA in Arizona is not so forgiving there are only three groups where i live sedona; cottonwood, and Camp Verde. In Camp Verde they didn't think I was ready to get sober yet and to go away. In cottonwood Olga said too much shit; my ex-sponsor had too much pull and i was not forgiven. Sedona was the worst they are the ones I went to after drinking a fifth of absinthe and asked for help. the group leader said that's not what we are trying to do here we only want to hear from old timers. I said fuck you and got up and left. my father who drove me to the meeting and has 35 yrs in AA tried to stand up for me he got thrown out too. Then from hearsay the meeting blew up. I've tried to go back several times to the one in cottonwood where I live its OK for a meeting or two but then things get weird and mean things are said there is no friendship and fellowship in these rooms which in Maryland I had. I believe in my higher power and the steps somewhat and I'm just going to try to do it with my and my higher power's help I'm happy to say I don't drink everyday. But when i go on a bender I go on a bender.
Love,

Kate

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

More dating crap

My friend Shannon and I (she's the one helping me with all the technical stuff like even helping me with my blogs) found out that one of the date sites wasn't notifying me of my mail! This one in particular has been active since August. So, we went to look into it and I got 20 messages; all scams most out of the country. I'm also happy to say I've gotten comments on my blogs; one at my space and one at blogger. I was happy to get them, and they weren't mean.

Now other stuff. I was feeling a little sick this weekend and a friend of mine who just had knee surgery wanted me to meet her at my knitting hangout and give her some reiki. But, I found out there was new anime` on in the afternoon. I picked anime` over seeing my friend. Now, I did say that I could see her after my show but she could only do it in the morning so I didn't go. Sometimes I worry I'm too obsessed with anime` I'm thinking of getting DVR so i won't have to worry any more so I can watch whatever I want whenever I want.
Love,

Kate

Monday, September 18, 2006

Clerks at the Wallmart Counter

Is it just me or dose this happen to everyone? I went to wallmart and bought some Halloween stuff and the clerk says "Getting ready for Halloween?" I know maybe they are supposed to say something but I don't like them commenting on what I buy I think its rude. Like, what if I buy condoms cavateea and berry white music would they ask if I was getting laid? Just my thoughts for tonight.
love,

Kate

Friday, September 15, 2006

Feeling strange and off Centered

I'm feeling strange and off centered today. I went up to my knitting group the ladies asked me how my day went I told them horrible it was (IE read other blog). Some of them had the nerve to ask why i want a man or a husband why do I bother. Of course they are all married. I know they are being kind and trying to be supportive, but that really doesn't make me feel any better. At least the married woman in my art class is honest and says she doesn't envy me and the dating hell. I actually appreciate that more.

I'm also sick of people saying I'm not really that sick. the face I put on when I go out in public is not the face I wear at home.It's amazing how many people blow it off when i say I'm crazy by saying I'm crazy too. While not realizing I've been locked up for being mentally ill and had all my rights and civil liberties stripped from me. I've no clue why people think this is cool nowadays. It really kind of sucks.

love,

Kate

I'm Just Sick of It

I hate interrogated IM on the dating sites! I got some guy; looks like he's from the french liberation front writing in spanish to me. Of course I don't understand spanish. I am geting dis heartened with all the crap that I am getting.

I shouldn't write what I am going to write next, but no one is really looking at this, so i am going to do it any way. I am tired of married bitches looking at me as though I am trying to steal their husbands! I want my own damn man not somebody elses. This also refers to devoted couples too. I don't need some bitch with a kid in her arms hovering over my shoulder when i am trying to get work done because her man is in the room.If that's love i don't fucking want it! I am also sick of unattractive men with kids and marital status unknown trying to talk to me on the computer. they also have no personality either. They say they looked at my profile and I say in my profile that I don't want kids and that I am looking for a long term, committed relationship and I am looking for someone who wants the same damn thing. I am thinking of becoming spiritual warrior and forgetting all this stuff. But my people probably won't let me. I'm going to cuddle my animals and watch anime` and start again tomorrow

love,

Kate

No Friends on Myspace?

Myspace is giving me a complex.It keeps showing me this thing saying I have no friends. The thing says to invite them to myspace page. My point of doing these things is to make friends and to get stuff out. So if other people read my stuff and like it tell me. Is there any one who will be my friend, or am I alone?

Kate

How I cheer Myself up

How to cheer myself up.

Watch adult-swim anime and i like the kid one narto. Idon't care i like it and have too 5 week old puppies sleeping on my chest.

Kate

Getting Frustrated

I also feel like everyone has someone but me; even my nasty ass fucked up estranged brother and all my friends do. I don't; what the fuck is wrong with me. I am on S.S.I because i am S.M.I. I still have a lot to offer; money just is not one. I think I am a good person.

I think it is really fucked up what happened in the women's lib movement. We are more sexually exploited than ever. Naked female Internet spam, girls gone wild videos, and look at the TV and what their wearing. And men expect normal women to look like this, and most women don't. but when it comes to dating, men want you to pay your own way, or to pay theirs. And down the line they expect us to hold a 9-5 job, raise the kids, clean the house and take care of them.!!! I feel alone here but fuck this shit.

hugs and kisses love,

Kate

The First Date From Hell!

I just got back from my first blind date on the Internet. the date was awful! he was OK looking but so hard to talk to. I live in a rural part of America so he met me in a small tourist town. Of the things to do here, you can go look at beautiful scenery; look in shop; get food; or go to the park; and you could even listen to a live band. The bands are in the bars and on a first date I don't go to bars. He didn't want to do any of these things, so we walked a round the town. but Jerome is in the middle of mountain, so while I was walking i got sweaty. He commented on this! he also talked about marriage and kids! That is something I don't need to talked about on the first date. he also kept on about making money, it really bugged me and wasn't happy. This really sucked!

Kate

Online Dating Can Be A Pain!

I got more dating spam! They said they had more matches for me on OK cupid's site. Ok Cupid is like a free E Harmony site. I went through all of my so called "matches" and they were all in my location, but not a single one of them were really matches according to the statistics. Ok cupid uses the questions you answer, and the silly tests you take to determine the percentage of the match; how good of a friend this person would be to you, and how much of an enemy you would be to this person. In short, one of the guys statistics were rated at a 60% enemy. They call this a match!

On one of the other dating sites; this guy who I'm not interested in would not stop pelting me with messages. So, I blocked him. Thanks to the built in instant massager on this site; now he's trying to message me through there! Not just a message mind you, but literally pelted me with them. All of this, and I've never really messaged him myself. The first contact I received of this man was a virtual kiss. I sent him one back to be polite. But then got three, then four messages from him. Honesty, he weirded me out, so I decided that it be best not to contact him.
Thats all for now.

Kate

Too sad to Talk about Love

I can't write about love today people. I've had a terrible loss in my life. I've just had to euthanize my four week old puppy. She was born with a birth defect with genetic damage to her cerebellum; she couldn't stand or walk, or even use the bathroom.
I'm very sad. She was the smallest in a litter of three and I worked hard for four weeks to save her. Her name was Squiggles. This is just hard for me and a big blow to my heart.
I saw the first rainbow of the season. I think it's a sign that Squiggles is OK and shines her love down on me.

Kate

How I started dating on line

I need My friend Shannon's help because she has more computer experienced then me. First we figured out how to sell me then what I wanted in a man. She found free date sites and I got nothing. And nothing at yahoo so she found new one where I get six a day, but most where scams. one psycho wrote like he wanted to skin me; the other acted good at first but was out to get ass; I just want somthing that is real.

I got a lot responses but not really. most wanted to I'M me, and I Don't know how. I'm not good at spelling and am self' conscious about it. It also seems as if they just wanted cybersex. I am looking for real love. I always write back, but I rarely get the second letter.

Until the next post,

Kate
 
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