Here is some more personal stuff about me.

This started out as a record of my online dating but, now its turned into my personal journal because I really don't think anyone is reading this; if Michelle is hi! And the mayonnaise guy from blog explosion probably wont because it is going to get serious. I've had a rough week emotionally my illness has been acting up. I've had clinical depression since I was 6. I was even placed in a lock down unit in July. I hate Richard Simmons; I think he is the devil and, we were forced to workout to him in the lock down while the people behind the glass laughed at you! Also, going with out sleep for 5 days I decided to do I'm a little teapot for the audience of doctors and nurses behind the glass.

Anyhow on to what happened this week. I was up at my friend Erika's knit shop and they were talking about death and dying and how you need to give people permission to pass on, like in the hospital. But his question made me confused because my mom kind of gave me permission to kill myself; She said she would understand why I would do it. So I ask where does that put me? My friends, who love me told me not to do it and that I had worth in the world. My mistake was I tried to talk to my mom about it because my philosophy is kind of after doing 3-4 serious attempts and failing i wasn't supposed to go yet. My mom said that's bullshit just take a stronger bottle of alcohol and More pills. By the way it took two bottles of white and 20 ativan I thought that was good enough. I came home and I was very confused. I called my friend, she got pissed. She helped me post a version of this blog but, I thought my way would be better. Two days later when I was calm I'm kind of using this blog as a way to get things out.

Kate