More personal stuff about me.

Please don't judge me too harshly. From the age of 21 to 29 I was a recovering alcoholic. I was even sober seven years back in Maryland. But, when I came out to Arizona almost two years ago things went wrong. I stayed sober for about 6 weeks; I had a sponsor and I thought I had a friend in the program. Olga introduced me to her drug dealer to buy weed. I smoked a bowl with her and thought it was cool except I noticed she was freaking out about smoking all the time. For me its no big deal i just smoke when offered. I noticed how weird it was, so I told my sponsor; I thought it in confidence, and I thought she might have a problem and might go out drinking. Of course she yelled at me saying I should pick up a 24 hour chip! I said no fucking way my alcohol addiction was different from a puff on a joint when it was passed around.

Here's where things start to get a little more fucked up. My sponsor went to her sponsor and told her what I said this was in Nov. By Jan 1'st Olga still hadn't said anything to her sponsor so her sponsor approached her about it. Bitch said she was sorry, picked up a 24hr chip and came to my house the same day to smoke more weed! Somehow in all this I got turned into the bad guy. I'm pretty sure Olga talked about it in meetings and blamed the whole thing on me; and the people in AA got colder and meaner to me. And from Jan to March she was coming over to my house smoking my weed! Things got so bad in AA that I left. I figured why fuck with weed its illegal and alcohol is legal why risk getting into trouble. I also figured I could then go back to AA pick up a 24 hr chip because I did fuck up but the AA in Arizona is not so forgiving there are only three groups where i live sedona; cottonwood, and Camp Verde. In Camp Verde they didn't think I was ready to get sober yet and to go away. In cottonwood Olga said too much shit; my ex-sponsor had too much pull and i was not forgiven. Sedona was the worst they are the ones I went to after drinking a fifth of absinthe and asked for help. the group leader said that's not what we are trying to do here we only want to hear from old timers. I said fuck you and got up and left. my father who drove me to the meeting and has 35 yrs in AA tried to stand up for me he got thrown out too. Then from hearsay the meeting blew up. I've tried to go back several times to the one in cottonwood where I live its OK for a meeting or two but then things get weird and mean things are said there is no friendship and fellowship in these rooms which in Maryland I had. I believe in my higher power and the steps somewhat and I'm just going to try to do it with my and my higher power's help I'm happy to say I don't drink everyday. But when i go on a bender I go on a bender.
Love,

Kate